Land of the Rising Belly

Eeeeeee- I’m home from Japan and laughing at myself. One, I was worried about how this trip would pan out. Two, I had no idea they thought I was fat. Three, I couldn’t stop eating this time, either. Four, I got stuck on a toilet, and Five, I thought this trip would cure all that ails me.

The first trip in 1983 was so vivid I was concerned how this one in 2009 might compare. Well, let’s just say that notion was short-lived, about as effective as trying to relive a memory from long ago while strapped into a dizzying ride at the fair and being twirled and spinned into an altered state. Ha! Not a problem -- too busy trying to avoid throwing up cotton candy, elephant ears and chili dogs. Or in this case, red bean and custard waffles, oyster flavored potato chips and green- tea Kit Kat bars.

I’ve already touched on the fact that every single person who saw me again after a quarter of a century commented that I was “no longer fat.” Even the grandfather of a friend who met me once mentioned the moon face I used to have. Yes, I know I gained 40 pounds while I was living there, but as I lost it State-side, it never occurred to me that their lasting impression of me was that of a baby Buddha.

In the intervening years, I’ve tried to watch what I eat, and even while traveling to the Mecca of decadent desserts, bread and cheese (France), I’ve managed to avoid overindulging and kept most of the pounds off by miles of walking.

But as soon as I was fingerprinted and allowed entry into The Land of the Rising Sun, the trigger switch for eating-everything-in-sight was flipped on and locked in its upright position. I think it’s something they do to foreign nationals while we’re staring into the lens of the Interpol camera or fumbling with our passports, custom declaration papers and luggage, all bleary eyed and stunned from the squished cattle quarters in the airplane and recycled air.

Hey, I’m all for living green, but I do not love the word “recycle” and “breathing air” in the same sentence. And I think Japan’s new moniker should be “Land of the Rising Belly.” On our way home, while landing in San Fransisco, I was pulled out of line and ordered to be body searched. They offered a private room, but whooo boy, how do I say, Hell No without sounding like a potty mouth? As long as it was an invitation, I declined. Whatever they were going to do to me, I wanted it done publicly.

Thank God they didn’t do a cavity search because I haven’t been to the dentist in a very long time. I was miffed and slightly offended to be chosen for the big pat down as they seemed particularly interested in what I might be hiding under my blouse. Guess what folks, it was my belly! My protruding, clogged, plugged, filled to the gills with sticky white rice belly. After they felt me all over, they determined I was just fat. Oi!

But as I write this, it occurs to me they might have done me a favor. No, I don’t consider that flirting. I’m now suspecting that security could tell my eating trigger was on full tilt boogie and pulled me out of line to turn it back off. So, thank you, because now I’m not as inspired to eat everything in sight here in Homeland.

As I sat here with GlowGirl last night, (Pssst, she has a new nickname, “Crazy Bean Lady,”) sipping cherry blossom tea and nibbling on green tea cookies, she’s also been to JapanLand and knew precisely what I was talking about and we launched into fits and giggles over all the snacks and treats beautifully packaged in happy, appetite pleasing colors, wrapped and decorated with come hither ribbons and we drooled over Royal Milk Tea, Pokari Sweat, Kibidango (millet cakes sprinkled lightly with powdered soy bean), Manju (a traditional Japanese sweet filled with azuki bean paste), and chips made out of every conceivable and several inconceivable flavors.

Then there was the cabbage-muscat juice and the bamboo.

On a tour of Kyoto during the last stop (Kiyomizu Temple), we encountered a four alarm traffic jam. Well, I don’t really know how traffic jams are measured, but this one was a bouchon deluxe. Instead of sitting for the hour or two that was estimated, the “best bus driver in Kyoto” decided to take us up a narrow road on a steep hill. Scary. But our tour guide, bless her heart, was not expecting the added delay and had to repeat her memorized material. Her English is better than my Japanese could ever be, but that did not stop her nasal microphoned voice to eventually irritate me a little, especially since every word ended on a heavily accented vowel.

That last phrase would sound something like this… “every-YA wor-DA ended-A on-NA heavily-A accented-DA vowel-LA. Yipes!

I bet you forgot I was talking about bamboo. Before I sidetracked myself, I was saying that our vowel-heavy tour guide was repeating her material because the drive was taking longer than expected. She was talking about spring time edibles (see? more food references) when she landed on bamboo. Voila! A subject that I never knew could take up so much time. She milked that baby for blocks. Different ways it could be cooked, sliced, diced and quartered-DA.

Companion, who had been gobsmacked by the beauty and splendor of Kyoto, the ancient temples and shrines with their cherry blossom promises, had been quiet and mellow up to this point, but apparently the combination of the steep impromptu bus route, the loud microphone and the woman’s obvious passion for bamboo provided him with some inspiration.

Quietly, so as not to be rude (we were seated near the back of the bus), Companion, in a slow, Southern drawl a la Forest Gump, began naming his own twist on bamboo. “Refried bamboo, bamboo puddin’, scrambled bamboo, bamboo grits, hard-boiled bamboo, bamboo gumbo, …” Not fair for him to make me laugh like that.

The Japanese are not an outwardly affectionate culture, you know, all touchy-feely in public, but I learned a little secret. They have invented amazing machines to do some of the touching for them. Take our friend’s massage chair. We’ve sat in some before, or so we thought, with a little ball that goes ‘round and ‘round the shoulder blades, so I was expecting the usual when I was invited to sit down in the Takabochi 4000 Mach 9.

What I was not expecting was for it to lay down flat with me in it and for mechanized clamps to grab my ankles. I was strapped into this baby like I was going to receive a lethal injection. Not relaxing so far. Then the deceptive arm rests opened up and swallowed me from wrist to arm pit. Next, all the whirling massage parts were activated and vibrating things were running up and down my spine, my legs therapeutically jiggled, the blood pulsing to my head which was angled down below my shoulders. All that was missing was Hannibal Lecter’s hockey mask.

Then our hostess said, “Enough of you, time for him now.” She managed to untangle me from its grip and had me out and Companion in before either one of us could catch our breath. Japanese efficiency. While he was being “relaxed,” she motioned for me to follow her. She opened a door and the centerpiece of the small room was the most luxurious toilet I have ever seen. “Shhh…watch this,” and pushed me toward the Imperial throne. As I approached, the lid miraculously raised itself. Apparently a man should never have to lift a finger. I was in awe. I wanted to be a man in Japan.

Pointing to some fancy buttons on the wall, she told me to try it on my “magic spot.” With that little instruction, she left me alone and shut the door. The timing was right, as we had been sipping lots of tea and snacking on chocolate dipped strawberries (in honor of White Day, when men give women chocolate), so I overcame my shyness and decided to see what the mystique of the bidet world was all about. Whooo is about all I can say here.

It was surprisingly invigorating, and then I was done. But the water kept on jetting. I looked at the Starship Enterprise panel on the wall next to me, hesitated as my rosebud was continually watered and started pushing buttons. It wouldn’t stop. In fact, I think I renewed its subscription. I called out to Friend, no answer. I yelled a little louder, no one came to my rescue. I tried standing, but the fountain of youth was determined and the vicinity was getting wet. I quickly sat back down. We were heading out for dinner and who wants the telltale waterjet stream up the back of a bidet novice? Heeeeelp!

I sat there for what felt like a looooong time. Eventually the tank ran out of liquid, so I was finally free. Between the chair and the benjo, I got quite the lovin’.

As for curing what ails me, the trip did wonders in the healing department, but I imagined it would erase the pain of some other things, too, which at this point, it has not. But I remain optimistic. As bits and pieces of me are collected and the healthier tissue occupies more space, the broken bits can be collected too, and with some gratitude, offered up as well.

Interview with Chakra Girl

As the Everyday Anthropologist, I’m studying humans in their natural habitat. I’ve invited Katie Custer a.k.a. “Chakra Girl” to help me learn more about human emotions and their effect on the personal energy field.

Welcome Katie and thank you for coming out on this cold, wintery day. To introduce this topic, what can you tell me about your work?

CG: I’m a massage therapist in a chiropractic clinic, I’ve written a memoir called Break/Through, which focuses on how I lost 90 pounds through healing my energy body (the chakra system), and since July 2008, I’ve been hosting a weekly radio show called “Chakra Girl Radio.”

FCK: Whoa, 90lbs? That’s a significant amount of chubby. How did you lose it?

CG: I started journaling and discovered that every time I released something about feeling upset, depressed, ashamed or insecure, I didn’t feel like eating. That surprised me because all my life I felt like eating even when I wasn’t hungry. I was eating to comfort myself and the more I ate the fatter I got. I finally acknowledged that my overeating was not about the food and that my behavior had made me obese.

I was also learning about the chakra system and how my energy field was trying to communicate with me in a structured way. Communication began with a feeling in my gut that something was bothering me. If I ignored my gut, then communication came stronger through my emotional reactions. If I didn’t face my feelings, then the energy of those emotions would build up until I acted out. For me, that was comforting myself through overeating. When I let my behavior get out of control, the message from my energy body finally manifested as all this extra weight in my physical body.

FCK: What was the message?

CG: That my energy body was holding onto a lot of secrets. I finally tell them in my memoir Break/Through.

FCK: What is this “energy body” you keep talking about?

CG: Basically, the energy body is made of seven major energy centers that begin at the base of the spine and continue to the top of the head. These energy centers are called “chakras” which is Sanskrit for “wheel” or “circle.” Western Medicine focuses primarily on the physical body, while Eastern philosophy also considers the existence of energy within the human body. By paying attention to what’s happening in the body’s energy field, you’re more likely to find the root cause of imbalance, whether the disturbance (or illness) is recent or long term.

FCK: When humans attend to their energy and emotions, can they assist in healing themselves?

CG: Exactly! In practical terms, you can learn where there are imbalances in your energy field and with patience you can learn how to address those imbalances to feel better.

FCK: Now that it’s winter and we’re in the midst of the Holiday Season, is there any one chakra in particular we should pay special attention to?

CG: Yes. In my experience, whenever we express or stifle ourselves, the 5th or throat chakra is being activated. This activation takes the form of healthy release or blocked toxic energy.

FCK: So is there a connection between the winter Holidays, the throat chakra and getting sick, such as catching a cold, coughing, or overeating and drinking?

CG: Yes. Physical symptoms related to blocked throat chakra energy include coughing, toothaches, sore throats, stiff necks and swollen sinuses. Behaviors such as overeating, drinking and smoking too much, yelling, using abusive language or non-stop talking stem from imbalances in the 5th chakra. This pinwheel of energy located along the spine in the neck/throat area, affects as far up as the sinuses and as far down as the upper chest including throat, mouth, teeth, gums, thyroid, trachea, tonsils, the cervical vertebrae in the neck, vocal chords, TMJ and the skeletal system.

The healthy release of throat chakra energy brings balance and feeds self-expression. Communication, eating, singing, writing, talking, performing, playing music and speaking your truth are all 5th chakra. Now that’s a big one. For example, if you see a particularly stressful time approaching during the holidays, say a family gathering, you might feel like you have to stifle yourself around certain individuals. Some people react by becoming very quiet and others become unusually chatty, or it might be tempting to self-soothe with extra food, drink or smoke.

FCK: So what about all those tempting sweets and drinks that are offered in this season? Are you worried that you’ll overeat and gain all that weight back?

CG: By releasing what’s bothering me onto my journal pages, the blocked energies (or imbalances) are no longer held captive in my physical body, so I don’t need to eat to feed them. My first rule of food and drink is to respect my body by deliberately tasting. I find it impossible to fully enjoy a bite of food and overindulge because it takes time to taste what I’m feeding myself.

FCK: How might a person find balance when everything feels rushed or while spending time around people who aren’t so fun?

CG: By carving out five minutes to write down any concerns (why you are feeling stressed), it is possible you can meet your own needs and at the same time find yourself feeling calmer. This means when you arrive at the Holiday gathering, you now have less stress to carry in the door. When you take care of yourself first, whether by expressing your feelings through creating art, talking with friends, exercising, drinking tea, meditating, doing yoga or anything else that brings you joy and makes you feel good, you’ll be more able to enjoy the company of family and friends and see this once stressful event as a time to celebrate your relationships.

There are other forms of healthy expression using the 5th chakra energy that will help to release holiday stress, which can include gathering a group of friends to go caroling, especially if you have never done it before. Participating in a holiday play, even if it is in your own living room, or reading stories from scripture or traditional holiday stories to family and friends.

Another fun way of celebrating the energy of your throat chakra is to dress it up. This is the perfect season for colorful scarves, sparkly necklaces, dangly earrings, or your favorite turtleneck. In terms of gift giving, the color of the throat chakra is royal blue. If there is someone in your life who has had difficulty speaking up, expressing themselves, a perfect gift might be a blue scarf or jewelry with blue elements. It doesn’t have to be something only worn around the neck. It could be a blue shirt, blue hat or a blue journal.

In those moments when you feel like you have to hold back, put a smile on your face and allow your whole body to feel it. You have self-care options when it comes to holiday stress.

FCK: Thank you Chakra Girl. As for the next blog, I’m going to take your advice and express myself by discussing something very important like sparkly shoes or pink divinity.